I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
