I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
