Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I could make wine with my vomit
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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