You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
