is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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