Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
