I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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