I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
