I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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