It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
