i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
