I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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