he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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