God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
