I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
