he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
