i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's always time for handjobs
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
