everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
