I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
