i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
