I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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