Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
