sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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