I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
