I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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