they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
