I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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