the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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