When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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