so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
