You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
