She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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