Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
