why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
