Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
