Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
