He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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