Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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