So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
