Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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