I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
