Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
