are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
