What a fucking waste of an outfit
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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