I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
