He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
