I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
