I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
