The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
