..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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