He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
