Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
