Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
