every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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