If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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