You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
