i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
