WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
