I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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