playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm at about main and main street
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
