How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
