Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
