I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
