Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
