He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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